Saturday, August 16, 2008
From Bread Winner to Bread Baker
June Cleaver I am not.
Yet, I have suddenly found myself thrown into the position of Stay At Home Mom. I am having visions of myself cooking, cleaning, tending to the children, and having Paul's martini waiting for him upon his return from a busy day at work, all with a big smile on my face.
Excuse me, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Truth be told, I am happy that I will have time now to be a mom and to support Paul in this new phase of his career. And, I know this is a temporary state of being. I will work again -- either writing from home or back in the "real world." It could be three weeks or it could be three months. Still, this temporary state of being is slightly spooky. There is an eerie calm that unnerves me. I am so used to be on edge, slightly stressed out, preoccupied with some issue at work. Now that is gone.
I can actually hear myself think.
And that is saying something with a loud three-year-old screaming in my ear ("Mom? Maaaaa? Mom? Why aren't you answering me?") and a 12 week-old ("Waaaa") crying about anything and everything (this is, of course, between brief, beautiful periods of being absolutely adorable -- same with the three-year-old).
Even more bizarre is that I am no longer the "Bread Winner." After ten years of being the spouse who makes more money, that pressure is now gone. Paul just got a promotion and will be bringing home the bacon, so to speak (and, because he is a chef by trade, he also gets to fry it up in the pan!).
So ends a long and often arduous chapter of my life. Being laid off can be devastating or a blessing. I have decided it is undoubtedly a blessing. Besides, going to work lately was like sitting on a sinking ship pretending to be happy about the rising water. It was, quite literally, drowning my creativity and a little piece of my soul.
And, so begins a new chapter in my life -- that of a creative, clear headed, confident, career focused woman poised for success. And, most importantly, a happy, loving, clear headed mom ready (and wanting) to spend some quality time (albeit temporary) with her children.
I suppose I can handle having that martini ready for Paul when he comes home after a long day of cheffing, after all, I'll probably be drinking one myself.